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"did you just eat sofa pizza?"

I’ll tell you what: the next time you desperately need to contact me, stand about a hundred feet away and yell it really loudly. Or, even better, try sending me a message with your mind. I will almost certainly receive that, unless my telepathy is on the fritz that day, which has been happening more and more frequently. Maybe, as a last resort, try calling me? I mean, yeah, I never answer my phone, but who knows, I might be just about to order a pizza or something. Stranger things have happened. Plus, I order a lot of pizzas. So your odds are pretty good there.

Please Stop Emailing | The Awl (via interweber)

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